


The Things We Lost In The Fire

by 1000lux



Series: Hunger [1]
Category: Hunger Games Series - All Media Types, Hunger Games Trilogy - Suzanne Collins
Genre: Hijacked!Peeta, M/M, Mockingjay Spoilers, Past Brainwashing, set during book three
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-25
Updated: 2014-01-25
Packaged: 2018-01-09 21:23:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,760
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1150942
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/1000lux/pseuds/1000lux
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What if Peeta doesn't get better?</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Things We Lost In The Fire

**Author's Note:**

> I never had any interest in the pairing, but the story just came to me and I couldn't stop.^^
> 
> The title, as most might have realised, is from the _Imagine Dragons_ song.

"It’d be better if he were easier to hate."

****

He was even cuffed, sitting there silently only moments ago. And now he's got the chain strung  
around Katniss neck. He doesn't look malicious, he just looks positively terrified.  
Gale jumps over the table, his kick hitting Peeta in the jaw. He doesn't fall, he just sways to the  
side slightly. Tough, he has to give him that.  
"Let go of her!" he screams, yet Peeta still seems to consider Katniss the bigger threat. Gale  
kicks his legs out under him. Finally Peeta tumbles to the floor, taking Katniss with him. And  
the others are finally able to free her from his grip. Peeta is back on his legs in only seconds.  
His eyes scared and unfocused landing on him. Peeta doesn't hold back when he lands his punch  
and it sends Gale flying. Fuck. No matter, him being a head taller than Peeta, that's one tough  
motherfucker. He knows it isn't Peeta's fault, but now he's pissed. Who cares, it's not like Peeta  
is his friend. He lunges at him ripping him off his feet again.  
They exchange punches, turning to wrestling with each other at one point, so entangled that they  
can barely move. The others just stand by, maybe too scared or too entertained to intervene.  
His gaze comes to rest on Peeta's eyes again. He still doesn't seem to grasp what's happening here.  
All that seems to be still working inside his head is 'fight or flight'. In this case 'fight'.  
"Hey, Peeta! Look at me! It's okay. I'm no threat. Okay? Just let go. None of us is a mutt." In  
an inexplicable show of good faith he loosens his grip. The others will probably intervene as  
soon as his life is really in danger. He's flipped around, Peeta now straddled on top of him, one  
of his arms pressing down on his throat. Peeta's breathing hard. There's cold sweat on his arms.  
He holds Gale's gaze. Then the weight is gone and Peeta rolls out of range, coming back to his feet  
in fighting position.  
Gale gets up taking account of all his bruises. It's scary what this guy can do while actually being  
handcuffed.  
Peeta is taken away by some doctors, looking incredibly lost. They don't try to sedate him any longer.  
After his experience with the tracker-jacker poison he goes ballistic as soon as he sees an injection  
needle. They probably don't need another doctor in intensive care.

****

Here he stands, trying to console a desolate Katniss, telling her that his worst competitor, in the  
fight for her, is going to be okay.  
Looking through the plexiglas into the sterile, padded cell, were Peeta is strapped to a hospital bed,  
Gale feels like the chances, that he's going to get even remotely better, are highly unlikely. He lies  
to her face anyway. All he has to do is wait. Wait until they give up on him. Wait until Katniss has  
finished mourning. And she'll be his.  
He feels horrible.

****

They let him out again. Will they ever learn. Gale credits it to Coin's distinct dislike of Katniss.  
When he makes the offer, he tells himself he does it to keep him away from Katniss, but most of all  
it's probably his guilty conscience, when he sees him sitting there all alone, looking thirty shades  
of lost and abandoned.

"I could take Peeta with me. He's already been to District 2, he could have some valuable information."  
And otherwise I can always shoot him, hangs between them in the air, unspoken.  
Haymitch frowns. Gale knows he cares about Peeta almost as much as about Katniss. Eventually he consents.

****

While they're on the helicopter, Gale has time to study Peeta in detail, sitting just across from him,  
he doesn't look that much crazy.  
On the other hand, it's been already over two months since they brought him back. If he's going to get  
better at some point he should get it started.  
He seems to be deeply in thought and doesn't look half the dangerous maniac he's being most of the time.

****

The mission is a failure, they're found out before they even manage to get into the building. There are  
highly armed security guards everywhere.

Gale spins around, the guard who was about to shoot him, has been knocked down by a fierce looking Peeta,  
who is now standing behind him, looking not quite like himself. Gale has seen the broadcast of his games,  
the way he fought. He is a good fighter, that isn't the point, but he seems kinda without focus, since he's  
come back. Like you don't know what is driving him. Back then he fought to protect, always to protect and  
now there is sometimes something like malice in his eyes.  
"Thanks.", Gale says nodding towards him.  
Yes, they should definitely keep him locked up. Two thoughts occur to Gale. One, that he should be feeling  
grateful. And second, that if Peeta had wanted him dead that day at breakfast, he'd be dead.

****

It is definitely guilt that makes him ask Peeta to come to training with him. Peeta seems awkwardly glad,  
not to be left alone any longer.

It isn't supposed to become a habit. But Gale being about the only person Peeta knows, that he doesn't have  
warped memories of, except that one girl from District 12, limits Peeta's choices of company considerably.  
Gale understands that. So he doesn't comment on it, when Peeta takes a seat beside him at lunch.  
He ignores Katniss' confused and angry glances.  
The fact that she doesn't manage to stay halfway agreeable around Peeta, has Gale not seeing much of Katniss  
from then on. He feels himself blaming Peeta for that too.  
It makes him feel like an even worse person. So he invites Peeta to come on another mission.

****

"Gale! Gale?"  
He tries to keep walking. Maybe the voice will stop.  
It doesn't. Gale had enough of Peeta Mellark this week. He jerks around.  
"What?! What's the matter now?! Why can't you just leave me alone?!"  
"But...?"  
"We're not friends, Peeta. We've never been! Not even remotely!"  
Peeta's face, that was confused and slightly scared only moments ago, becomes cold and expressionless within  
seconds. Much what he looked like when they rescued him.  
"Alright, fuck you."  
He leaves Gale behind with the, by no familiar, distinct feeling of guilt, crawling up inside his throat.  
Whatever, he tells himself, he's finally gotten rid of him.

****

But it doesn't end like that. Whatever it is, it continues. Peeta looks mostly angry all the time,  
but he takes a seat close to Gale. And Gale doesn't have the heart to send him away.  
Gale is aware that Peeta doesn't keep his company, because he likes him that much, but because it's  
that or being alone.  
Be it training or meals, it's always underlaid by a certain amount of resentment and simmering anger.  
It's awkward bordering on aggravating and Gale wonders how long they will be able to keep it up.

****

They come down to blows again. Gale knows he should be more tolerant of him. Showing understanding  
and concern to the poor abused and disturbed soul. He snorts. Fuck him.  
Peeta irritates him. He irritates him all the time. Perfect Mr. Mellark. Who always makes the right  
decision. Who always saves the day. And who, of course, always gets the girl in the end. This whole  
mess also only happened to him, because he's done the honorable thing.  
And instead of finally breaking like any other person, he has to safe them all.  
It irritates him how Peeta clings to him in this sorry imitation of friendship that is so wrong.  
In the way he has to overlook their past and treat him as if there isn't a problem. And really,  
Peeta has never done a thing to him. Katniss has been the one who made the decision. Any anger he  
feels towards Peeta is just a show of how bad a loser and a person he is. And that irritates him even  
more. But the beautiful thing is, Peeta isn't nice little Peeta any longer and has no problem with  
exchanging some blows instead of words. He's seen it while fighting alongside him. And it needs so  
little encouraging till they lie rolling on the ground again. His eyes have the cold and piercing  
quality again, he's seen in battle. Except Katniss and needles, there doesn't seem to be much he is  
scared of these days.  
Peeta is on top of him again. Gale has on of his hands pushing against Peeta's jaw, trying to push him  
away. He, even later, can't tell what made him do it, but with a sudden movement he brings his hand to  
the back of Peeta's neck, pulling his head down easily in the moment of surprise.  
Their mouths clash and he expects to get bitten or at least headbutted. Instead they soon find themselves  
still on the floor grinding against each other, his tongue deep inside Peeta's mouth.  
He's never really had a thing for guys. But in that moment all he can do is want. Want. Want. Feeling Peeta's  
hair between his fingers. Feeling his breath hitch against his throat when he jerks his hips against him. The  
way his lips feel when he bites into them. They are dryer than he's expected from the way they look. 

The question whether or not he's spent time looking at Peeta's lips doesn't come to him until much much later.

****

Gale blushes hardly when he sees Katniss the next time, he hopes by god, that Peeta hasn't told anyone.  
He stares daggers at Peeta, when he enters the cafeteria. In response, Peeta flips him off.

They're the last ones in the training hall. Gale has waited for Peeta to finish. He gets up leaning  
against a punching bag.  
"Look, Peeta," His voice is impatient and annoyed. He shouldn't even have to be doing this, but it's his  
own damn fault, "that was a mistake. You're not going to tell anyone and it's never going to happen again!  
You got me?!"  
There's something like a smirk forming on his face. It might be a scowl though, Gale thinks, when Peeta's  
hand pushes against the punching back, beside his face. He grabs Gale by his hair and pulls him forward.  
Peeta's lips are soft, where his eyes are angry. Though, he's got no idea why, when he's got his way after  
all, Gale thinks while he returns the kiss.  
The next thing he thinks is: Bad, bad idea. But Peeta doesn't let go and Gale doesn't either.

****

It's a big, cumbersome surprise bag of perturbing physical attraction and pent up anger, which are both  
expressed in the baddest way possible.  
Skin on skin.

****

"I want to fuck you." His voice is husky with anticipation. It somehow gives him thrills to wonder whether  
he's ever fucked Katniss before. Peeta's hand wanders down to his groin and he gives him sly smile when he  
finds him already hard.

****

It's the middle of the night and there he stands in front of his bed, without shoes. And Gale wonders how  
he's got out of his room.  
"Tell me I'm save."  
Peeta's all black silhouette, only his feet shining in a stripe of the white light, that could be the moon,  
but is really just the emergency light, burning 24 hours.  
"Katniss isn't a mutt, right?" There's desperation and simmering panic in his voice. "She won't come into  
my room at night and eat me, right?"  
"You're save. No one will harm you here." It's a common enough question for all occassions by now, so he  
answers almost automatically, his voice still groggy, his mind not really into it.  
There's a sound from outside and Gale sees Peeta flinch violently. With a jump he's on Gale's bed, his  
hands reaching for Gale's throat.  
"They're coming, right?! It's a trap, right?!"  
Gale fends Peeta off, taking a nasty blow to his jaw, placing some of his own. Dammit, why has he to deal  
with this?! Nearly getting killed by this dangerous nutcase. That dangerous nutcase you're fucking, his  
conscience points out.  
He manages to peel Peeta off himself.  
"There won't be coming anyone for you, unless you continue trying to murder me!"  
The relief on Peeta's face is almost comical, if it wasn't for his throbbing jaw and the completely gone  
look in Peeta's eyes only moments ago.  
"Sorry." Peeta presses out, looking more angry than sorry. Gale doesn't try any longer to see any logic in  
Peeta's progression of emotions. Maybe he thinks it's his prerogative to annoy him with his antics at every  
time, day and night.  
"Sure, anytime." he scoffs, "If you feel like murdering someone just drop by."  
"It's not my fault." Peeta says petulantly.  
"Yeah, well, I don't care."  
The Peeta silhouette removes itself from his bed.

****

Gale hits the mat hard, at training. Peeta's still angry. But he can pack a punch himself and he's not going  
easy on him either usually.  
"You know what?" Gale says, pulling himself up from the mat. "You're not even remotely nice either. But you're  
right, it's not your fault."  
"Yeah, but it's not your problem either." Peeta sneers, finishing Gale's sentence.  
"Yeah, well, maybe it is now."

****

"It feels like I'm running constantly. I never can pause or slow down. I never know when the panic will  
get too much again and I just lash out. Objectively I know that Katniss isn't a mutt. But I don't feel  
it. All I know is that almost everything here scares me nearly to death." Peeta's eyes are looking at one  
fixed point at the wall, while his hands fidget with the piece of rope, he got from Finnick. Gale doesn't  
know if he's supposed to say something, but then Peeta continues speaking. "I'd like to be asleep most of  
the times, because then the fear gets a little less, not that I have any pleasant dreams. It doesn't help  
that everybody tells me it ain't real. It feels real to me. And sometimes I feel like everyone else is mocking  
me. Like they know I'm right, but they won't tell me."  
"You will get better. You'll be fine."  
"No, I won't. The only thing they can do for me is handle the panic a little better, but whatever's fucked  
up in my brain will stay that way for the rest of my life. And honestly, I'm exhausted."  
And what's he to say to that? There, there? There's really, literally nothing he can do to make it any better.  
Gale leans forward, without thinking, warm lips pressing softly against Peeta's, pressed in a thin line, looking  
almost white. Even while he leans back into it, Gale can feel his fingers still fiercely cramped around the rope.

****

It doesn't mean a thing that they find themselves in the each others bed every night.  
It doesn't mean a thing that they spend most of their time together now.  
It doesn't mean a thing that the individual turning up in his mind, when he jerked off today had  
light blond hair.  
It doesn't mean a thing that he traced Peeta's lips with his thumb today.  
It doesn't mean a thing that he hit his head against a chair so he could cushion Peeta's fall  
from the table, when he'd had to get him away from Katniss again, at the cafeteria.  
It doesn't mean a thing that he laughs more with Peeta these days than with Katniss.  
It doesn't mean a thing that he mumbles affectionate nonsense into Peeta's ear when he has a  
panic attack.  
It doesn't mean a thing that he told him he is okay as he is now the other day.  
It doesn't mean a thing that he's just come in him, tasting salty traces of sweat on his lips.  
It doesn't mean a thing that he knows it's not get-back at Katniss why he's doing this.  
It doesn't mean a thing that after the attack two days ago he's asked about Peeta before he did  
about her.  
It doesn't mean a thing that he's scared of Peeta getting better.

****

He doesn't know why he feels so guilty, when they sneek into each other's room. They have by  
far bigger problems right now. But he feels like he's stealing Peeta away from her.  
Though it's only temporary. Sooner or later Peeta is going to go back to normal. No matter what  
he thinks. The game of Finnick has shown some effect by now. He's starting to loose some of that  
tension around the others, limiting his company, to just Gale, no longer.  
It's funny how they didn't rewrite Peeta's memories of him, because they didn't get along to  
begin with.  
And now...Peeta's probably going to punch him, for what he let Gale do to him, for Gale taking  
advantage of his state.  
He still isn't quite sure how this did even happen. Did Peeta somehow grow on him because of the  
sorry state he was in? Because he always trailed after him? Because he felt somehow flattered, being  
one of the few persons Peeta didn't get a panic attack around? Was it somehow payback to Katniss, for  
not choosing him? That now he was fucking her boyfriend. And what was it from Peeta's side? Did he  
choose him by default, taking the place in his bed just like the seat at the table.  
Peeta stirrs beside him. They don't sleep in the same bed normally. Afterall they try to be discreet.  
Gale at least is. Peeta doesn't seem to care about much these days. But Gale has to at least keep up  
the appearance, that he doesn't want to fuck it up with Katniss completely, if only for his own sake.  
He nudges Peeta with one feet, "Hey, rise and shine."  
Peeta shoots him a glare from under a muzzled shock of blond hair, "What time is it?", he grunts.  
That's new. Normally he just leaves. But normally neither of them falls asleep immediately either.  
"Too late for round two. Too early for getting up."  
There's another grunt, of acknowledgement this time, then Peeta turns over and seems to get back to  
sleeping.  
"What, you're staying?", Gale asks, somewhat dumbfounded.  
"You mind?" Peeta's face is hidden, buried in his pillow again.  
He can't say he does.  
"No. I'll wake you early enough, so you'll have time to get back."  
The answer might be "Thanks." or might be "Whatever.", mumbled away into the pillow, but Gale learned  
enough about Peeta, by now, to know that he's far from oblivious to behavioral changes in others,  
especially Gale. So while there might be still room for fooling himself, he won't have such luck with  
Peeta.

****

The explosion has finally settled down. Gale's ears are still ringing, while he makes forward  
through smoke and ruins. Katniss has been there. Fuck, Peeta has been there. Fuck! Shit! Shit!  
All the while he's nearly stumbling over the bodies of no longer recognizable civilians. The closer  
he gets the more there are children among the dead.  
Finally he makes out Peeta, or at least a shock of hair the blazing light color of Peeta's. The  
clothes on his back have melted into the skin, but at least he isn't burning any longer. With his  
body he's covered another body, sheltering it from the explosion.  
"Peeta?", Gale asks carefully both not wanting to startle him and unsure whether it is really  
Peeta.  
The boy goes tense for a moment and then turns around getting up into a crouching position,  
unperturbed by the extensive injuries on his back.  
It is Peeta. His face is smudged with grime, but his eyes stare out of it much alive.  
"Gale.", he says his voice rough, either from the smoke or shock.  
By now the person under him has gotten up too. It is Katniss. She seems disoriented for a moment,  
but as soon as she seems to be taking in her surrounding again, she starts screaming.  
"Prim! Priiiim! We have to get her!", she starts to run for the building where the fires haven't  
yet burned out. Peeta's up on his feet and after her in only moments. He grabs her arms, holding  
her in place.  
"She is dead," he says, his voice devoid of emotion, "We both saw her go up in flames. There's  
nothing we can do."  
"Let go of me!!!", she yells at him and would probably have hit him if it wasn't for his hands  
still firmly on her arms, "You don't know that! You don't know that!" Each time more accusatory,  
"She could still be..." A sob escapes her mouth.  
She and Peeta seem both equally startled by it. He lets go of her, looking at Gale for help, no  
longer able to offer words of comfort, when he used to be the one good at this. Gale pulls Katniss  
into a hug. While Peeta stands there frozen in place, looking at her like she's a stranger, Gale  
talks to her as if to a child. And when usually she would have gotten angry, she's pliant now.  
He can understand it. Prim is gone. He's known her since she was little. they've lost so many in this  
war, but Prim's death feels even more unnatural than the others. No one represented innocence and  
kindness in such a pure form, as her. It is like nothing that is good and beautiful will survive  
this war. Only those already warped by it, into something a little harder, a little crueller, a little  
less human.  
Katniss would never get over this.  
Even while he thinks it, even while he holds her, his eyes keep turning back to Peeta, who is still  
standing there, looking abandoned and out of place. Peeta who wasn't even able to mourn his parents  
and siblings. Peeta who was damaged more in this war than anyone. Peeta to whom it was a sordid blessing  
that he was left with nothing but bad and false memories of his family. He lets go of Katniss.  
"We need to get a doctor for Peeta," he tells her. She just nodds and starts walking.

****

Peeta is lying on his stomach, his whole back covered in gauze. Gale is vividly reminded of the time  
after his whipping. Most of the scarring could probably be removed, once they have access to the Capitol  
hospitals, even so what he sees looks still too bad for the excessive amount of bandaging that's covering it.  
"Hey. How're you feeling?"  
"Okay." He looks sleepy. He's probably gotten a sedative. Though he really wonders how they've managed to  
give it to him, when he sees the infusion needle in his arm. Maybe he'd fallen unconscious at one point.  
Gale attributes it to shock, that Peeta even managed to walk back on his own. He lightly puts his fingers  
on the place where gauze reaches up to his shoulders, going over into unmarred skin.  
Then he asks something he's wanted to, since he's found the two.  
"You saved Katniss," he says, carefully making sure not to phrase it as a question. There's no need to voice  
the 'why', which is standing in the room prominently, anyway. He doesn't want to make Peeta feel like he is  
the warped up freak he already feels like most of the times.  
"It's what I would have done. What I would have wanted, right?", Peeta says with both a certain amount of  
weariness and a detached curiosity.  
It always makes his skin crawl when Peeta speaks about himself as if he is dead, as if they are discussing  
a person that is no longer there, a person, Peeta has no relation to whatsoever.  
"Yes, you would have." He has learned by now that Peeta's questions about himself always have to be answered  
instantly. The whole 'real or not real' game, Finnick has shown him, has become the ropes of reality to which  
Peeta is clinging, trying to navigate through a life that seems to confuse him most of the times.  
"You know...", Gale starts in a soft, hesitant voice, "It's my fault Prim's dead."  
Peeta raises his head a little more, curious now.  
"Me and Beetee, we built the bomb, we thought up the whole trap. It wasn't supposed to be used against the children.  
We didn't know what Coin would do. But it doesn't matter. And sooner or later Katniss will put the pieces together.  
We've hunted together for too long. She knows the way I work."  
"It isn't you're fault," Peeta states matter-of-factly. Gale shoots him a grateful smile. A few months ago Peeta's  
words wouldn't have meant what they do now. Even if he probably would have said them anyway.  
"You know what's ironic?" Gale draws small circles on the unblemished skin above the back, that will soon have scars  
to match his own.  
"Uh-uh." Peeta looks like he is really going to fall asleep sooner than later.  
"I thought it would hurt much more to loose Katniss."  
"It doesn't?"  
"No.", Gale shakes his head.  
Peeta seems to be contemplating that, eyes narrowing from time to time, scrutinizing Gale.  
"Because of me?" he asks finally. Gale rolls his eyes at the question, his lips already parting into a smile.  
"Yeah, because of you."

****

The capitol has come to it's end, Snow's downfall followed only shortly by Coin's.

Gale isn't surprised that Katniss gets nothing but a slap on her hand for the stunt she's pulled at Snow's  
execution. She's done the right thing, they all agree.

The bad and the old are gone. It is time to build a new community. A new system, where all people are equal.  
Gale knows he will be part of it. He wants to be part of it. Where Katniss wants this to be the end of it for  
her, wanting nothing but to rest, to him it's a beginning. And his place won't be in District 12. Rebuilding  
the district is nothing they need his help for. So he accepts, when a letter sporting a mockinjay, the emblem  
of the new government, arrives.

****

"You'll never be able to forgive me for what happened to Prim, won't you?"  
"..."  
It's all the answer he needed. He wouldn't have needed an answer at all. His mind is set. Nevertheless  
he felt like he owed it to her, to at least ask. After having loved her for so long.  
"I'm going to District 2 there's a lot of work waiting there." It's sad to know that there's so little left  
between them. "Peeta is coming with me," he adds after a while.  
Katniss face goes blank for a moment, as her eyes dart up to search for Peeta's. He only nods, confirming  
Gale's words. There's nothing for her to find in his eyes. Katniss bites her lip. Gale doesn't know if she  
knows, but he hopes for her sake she doesn't. Though he knows it's pretty unlikely.  
Peeta just watches them staring at each other, looking like he doesn't get the problem, before he turns  
around and starts walking away. He turns around, when Gale doesn't start to move.  
"Gale, are you coming?"

****

The outlines of trees and landscape are going over into each other by the speed they're going by, barely  
distinguishable through the large train windows.

"I can't promise you it will suddenly be all perfect. But I promise that you'll never will wake up at night  
alone."  
"I'm not asking for perfect, only for real."  
"And I can securely promise that I'll never try to kill and/or eat you."  
"What more could I ask for?"  
Gale doesn't remember Peeta ever making a joke about this before.  
"Don't worry. I'm not going to hop off the train. Not at this speed." Peeta smirks at him.

****

They get off the train in District 2. It's the same train that once took Peeta and Katniss to the capitol.  
There is no crowd to greet them when they get off, even though they're both heroes of the war. Their travel  
was kept a secret. Only the members of the current government/army-council know that they're coming.  
Gale will be a part of it. What Peeta's going to do, he hasn't thought about yet. All he knew was that he  
wanted him with him. It never even occured to him just once, till now, that Peeta might not come with him.

"Who am I now?"  
"Whoever you want to be."

**Author's Note:**

> You will comment. Real or not real?


End file.
